I'm not great at running, although I've been running regularly for almost a decade now. And when I say not great, I don't mean something like "I only ever managed to run one marathon" or "I ran competitively for my college team but never won a single race", which is the definition of "not great at running" for some people. I mean something more along the lines of "I don't think my speed or my stamina have increased an iota in all those years". Or, "I still regularly have to bend over and dry-heave on the side of the trail, clutching my side with a stitch, because I don't always know how much my body can handle".
Even though I'm really slow and can't go very far, I truly love running. My perfect run involves getting up relatively early and going a few miles somewhere greenish, perfectly flat, and far away from traffic, all while while listening to a podcast. I like for it to still be the morning when I get back, so I can treat myself to a big breakfast and still have the whole day stretch ahead of me.
For me, the joy of running comes from the sheer delight of doing something just for yourself. It's one of the few areas of my life that doesn't serve any end beyond allowing me to enjoy a blissful hour outdoors and feel better. No one in my life cares whether I run or not, and I certainly won't impress anyone with tales of my running prowess.
Doing something just for myself removes any sense of orientation and goal-setting. It's one of the few areas of my life where I don't feel a constant push to improve. I've tried following training plans a few times, but always drop them when the exercises seem boring. I don't want to hit certain mile times or participate in races: I just want to run. I go as fast and as far as I feel like, which sometimes means I push myself a little too hard and have to stop to take a breather and walk. But when I do so, there's no coach screaming at me from the sidelines, no friend running next to me, cajoling me to keep up.
Doing something just for yourself shouldn't be a radical concept, but it begins to feel that way when so many leisure activities we partake in are subtly geared towards serving other ends beyond our wellbeing and happiness. We read books to seem clever when we discuss them with friends; we write so that we can have a Substack and grow our following, whatever that means; we make work out of play by creating side-hustles; we look for endless ways to monetize everything that brings us joy. Most people start running because they want to complete a 5K or a marathon, because they want to look a certain way or get strong or lose weight, or because they got peer-pressured into joining a running club. Very few start running just because they think it could be fun.
In truth, I've often thought about whether I should quit running for precisely this reason. It takes up a lot of time when you're as slow as I am, and its not getting me anywhere, metaphorically speaking. That's time I could spend working more, or investing in my side hustle, or even hanging out with friends.
But in spite of these occasional qualms and occasional pauses when life gets overwhelmingly busy, I am yet to quit running for good. In fact, I crave it, because going for my silly little jogs feels like a breath of fresh air when I spend so much of the rest of my day worrying about improvement, optimization, and efficiency. For an hour or so, I get to pause, put in some headphones, and forget about everything that's bothering me as I lose myself in repetitive movement. It's a small part of my life in the sense that it will never go on my resume or give my life meaning - but I know it's giving me something, because I keep coming back to it again and again.
In a world that constantly expects us to do more, I'm an advocate of doing something just for yourself. It's the truest form of self care: an activity that you get to make wholly your own, where the only measure of success is whether it brings you joy or not. It removes all pressure and expectation, allowing you to step off the hedonic treadmill for a little while. It won't give you purpose, but it will make life feel more full. Doing something for yourself serves as a little oasis amongst the confusion and stress and demands of our fast-paced world; and even if the activity seems small and silly and pointless, I think that's worth something.