I’ve been in a bit of a weird headspace lately where I feel like I don’t have a lot on my plate but am also totally overwhelmed by everything. The academic year is drawing to a close, assignments are turned in, and student grades have been submitted. I’m trying to spring-clean my apartment and pack for vacation and help my sister navigate a move before I leave this week. It simultaneously feels like I’m doing a lot and nothing at all.
I got frustrated by the fact that I couldn’t seem to enjoy a slower pace of life as work slowed down a little. Somehow even with no impeding deadlines there was always another drawer to be cleaned, an email to answer, a piece of writing to work on. But none of it had the productive gravitas of the bigger work milestones - it just felt like I was constantly creating busywork out of nothing.
“You’re wearing a lot of different hats right now”, a friend commented when I explained my frustrations to her. “You’re trying to be a researcher, a teacher, a writer, a runner, a protective big sister – it’s a lot!”. It wasn’t a perspective I had really considered, and I felt validated. I thought she’d agree with me that I was just being silly.
In life, we attach a lot of weight to work and family. These are serious commitments and responsibilities, ones that get to claim our energy and ones we should prioritize. All other parts of our lives – friendships, relationships, hobbies, side-hustles, errands, keeping your living space clean – demand time and energy too. Yet somehow, we don’t expect them to be as demanding, and don’t derive the same sense of completion and fulfilment from them. These are secondary, less valuable activities by comparison.
And sure, chores and errands are things we have to do, like it or not, and it’s not particularly impressive to do them. And yes, friendships and relationships and side-hustles are all a choice – we don’t have to partake in them if they don’t feel fun and meaningful. But no matter how much joy those activities and relationships bring us, they also require investment, effort, and energy. All of which are limited resources, so sometimes you just need to take a little break, even if it doesn’t feel like you’ve been ‘working’ all that much.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve become a fan of taking a couple of hours on weekend mornings to fully press pause on the to-do list and take some time for myself. In that time, I don’t work or run errands or organize my life, I don’t perform being a friend or a sister or a girlfriend. I ignore the piece I was planning to write and the laundry that needs to be done, and go for a walk instead. Or I sit by the lake and read, or drink tea and watch TV if it’s rainy. For a couple of hours, I get to just be.
Giving myself the permission to take off all the hats I’m trying to wear for a couple of hours allows me to have a complete mental break from it all. It literally feels like a mini-vacation. I feel my perspective shift as I walk through the streets which I navigate every day on my way to work, this time taking everything in at a leisurely pace instead of a stressed speedwalk while trying to focus on a podcast.
I’m constantly trying to find that perfect balance between work and rest, production and consumption, being creative with side projects and just vegging out on the couch. We tend to disparage the latter activities, but I think they’re equally necessary. No matter how fun and fulfilling life is, creativity and production and side-hustles and community all require your energy. And the well needs to be replenished somehow!
Next week I’ll be writing this newsletter having just had a week of vacation in Nashville, probably in a very different headspace, hopefully feeling reenergized and inspired. But for now, I just wanted to write this as a reminder that sometimes it’s okay to press pause, take a little step back from things, and try to just let yourself be – even if it’s just for a couple of hours. You’ll be better off for it, I promise.
I’m living in Nashville! Hope you enjoy your visit!
I hope you enjoy your holiday! Yes to the many 'mini-vacations' we all need! I'll be trying to do more of the same - just being - without feeling guilty, for me, is the hard part!